Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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