My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
