Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
