I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
