Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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