I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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