I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
