first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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