Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
