So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
FUCK WHALES
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
