Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
