take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
