i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
