if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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