he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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