So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
