im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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