Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
FUCK WHALES
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
