who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
