I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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