btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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