You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
