I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
