I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
