Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
