his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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