yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
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Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
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I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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