Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
