hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
