We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
