I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
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