I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
how does that bad decision feel?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
