If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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