Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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