Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
