How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
