Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
