Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
