Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
