i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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