Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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