I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
