I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
