How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
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I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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