Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
