I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
