I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
