I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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