Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
