Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
