Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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