oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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