No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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