their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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