whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
