I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
