If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
