last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
