I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
