good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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