Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
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She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
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Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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