We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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