she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm like, not good at living.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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