it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
