Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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