Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This is the high leading the old right now
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
