um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
