tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
