gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
