so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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