I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
