My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
